You'd better not look down ,
If You wan't to keep flying.
A decade has passed. Yeah , when I was not even a teenager I had once thought to give a kick to my consciences that why do we really live when anyhow we have to die :/. What is the reason for that we work soo hard in our lives and that we lose everything in the end... ! I was definitely perplexed 'cus that time I had to spend my childhood moments playing rather than thinking about frightening aspects of life.
I won't say that I had a bad childhood or I had been disturbed since then. NO ! I was a happy child despite those fearful thoughts in my mind. The trouble striked when I entered my teens. I became more of a serious lass , a nerd , full of hatredness for everyone. I think this generally happens with all.
Atleast I was conscious about this that I am not a maniac who has no purpose to live / has those meaningless alibis to convey my situation. This was the time when I realised that I WAS ALONE !!
In my School , I had good company of my peeps. But that hustle was limited to there. Life was Grey when I used to reach Home. I just used to close my room ; that doesn't mean that ny fam was not co-operative , they were indeed worried regarding my behaviour like I was being neglected or a Rehab patient. But I was really in need of Rehab. Wondering the reason of all this ? Infact there was no reason , I was just concerned about the fact that whatever I was looking around Me , those things , that room , those books , that chair , human ME - It's not all gonna Exist.
That everything I see ; it's all going to end , the fact of me being a mortal was eating me inside , killing me within and thus affected my human nature. I had become like those type of people who would say ," Why shall I talk to You man , Your relation with Me is not everlasting ! BACK OFF ...."
NO ! I never have said these words to anyone 'cus this could hurt Them but in my heart it's a process that I have been following whenever I see anybody ( NO OFFENCE ).
I have stringent ways of dealing with This Life. Since the decade , it had been haaaard to Live , it still is but I've changed for good ! I might sound like that but am NOT a pessimist.
Whatever I do , learn , whenever I talk , walk , run , write , read , shout , cry , hurt myself ; this very thought WHY AM I LIVING ....... gets me real maaaad !
Now I repeat , that despite all that , it doesn't mean that I don't have reasons to live. Yes , I have millions of reasons to live and am working on myself to finally achieve everything and they are those aspirations that give me reason to live and ofcourse die immortal !
Even if I might have shed some tears while writing this ; I know there's always a hope I know , I think I am going to be fine ; someday , somehow I'll be fine.
AMEN to SMOKES +
LORD BLESS ALL :)
